Apparently my ex has reservations about spending time with me – we are going to the ballet together on the 14th. He promised me a while back and I called on him on it. I have no such reservations as I don’t expect anything from him asides that he will go and keep me company.

I guess he wants me to not have any delusions about us getting back together. *shrugs* I’m not a very delusional person. Maybe caring about him romantically may be considered delusional but I don’t think so. It’s only delusional if I think he’s going to change his mind if I keep at it long enough. He is one that considers his decisions very carefully.

I have carefully considered mine. And I would like to go to the ballet with him.

What I hate about breaking up is the nasty aftermath. I saw my ex’s flatmate today and he told me that my ex had broken the news to them about our breakup. He offered his sympathies and some advice. Wow – it made me feel really sad for some reason.

So yeah.

Admittedly the great thing about this blogging software is that I can whinge whenever I want with minimal fuss – it’s awesome.

That said, I’m whinging about my mother. She won’t leave me alone. She walked in my room to wake me up, moves the photo collage board off my bed to my table (which I don’t want her to because the direct sunlight from the window above aforementioned table will kill the photos). She then sees my scrapbook under my pillow and wants to look inside it because she’s never seen it before. Thankfully I wake up enough to grab it out of her hands because I don’t want her looking inside it.

I’m so sick of my mother invading my privacy. She enters my room without knocking. She opens and reads all my official mail – including bank statements. She keeps track of my periods and starts making “are you pregnant noises” at about the 4 week mark – regardless of the fact I’m on a 6 week cycle. I’ve told her off constantly about it and she never listens when I tell her to stop it as it’s none of her business.

And she wonders why I have no respect for her and never listen to her.

You know, I was in a way thinking of a way to nicely ending my Dating and the Actuary column. Playing with a few ideas, thinking about what to write…

Then I see the actuaries last week and they want me to continue writing for them next year! In a way I’m horrified and flattered at the same time. They were almost bullying me into it. I’m glad my friends like it but apparently for many people it’s the only section of the newsletter they read. They were quite impressed with the latest column – they learnt more about Markov processes from it then attending Jiwook’s lectures =S.

The column is apparently immensely popular, so popular that Macquarie has started plagiarising. Damn Club Macs – can’t think of anything original.

Though I was considering continuing it in my own time whenever I felt like it I don’t know if I’m up to another year writing for it. Well considering my column is already featured on the website, if you are reading this in the comments section say whether or not I should continue for 2006. It would be interesting to see what people say – well random people who read this anyway.

With love,
Cecile

I’ve been told I should stop hanging with my ex because that just means it’s going to take longer to ‘get over’ him. I think that’s such a narrow view. Getting over someone isn’t the be all and end all at the end of a romantic relationship. I enjoy his company immensely. I don’t want him to feel awkward because I still care about him in a romantic sense – I just do. It’s merely a fact.

I’m not at all depressed about my relationship with him. Why should I be? I guess the non-recipocation of feelings should do me in, it used to in previous relationships. But I’m happy as I am. He may not care for me in a romantic way but he still is my friend. He is a nice person and great company.

Admittedly it has driven me to do things. My diet has changed from crap to healthy and have lost 2 kilos in the past 3 weeks. I’ve done a massive reorganisation of my room and my life – I have bought a filofax! I’m getting back to my embroidery (though unpicking gives me the shits – something that never changes). Life is full. Though in a way it’s all very egocentric – keeping to myself a bit more.

I know that my ex is always very optimistic of the future and tends to not dwell on the past – of which I reside in. But I’m determined to be a part of his future by being his friend. I may meet someone new whom I will fall in love in – just right now I care about him.

With love,
Cecile