I did something in the last couple of weeks that really hurt someone. I didn’t mean to hurt them and I feel incredibly bad about it. I’ve been really selfish lately and I’m not very proud of myself.

I got a call from someone close to them to tell me that they were upset. I think that subconsciously I knew what I was doing in telling them rather obliquely about it. They made a correct intuitive leap and now I know that they know what I was doing. And despite it all, I don’t want them to hate me. I was so looking forward in continuing our friendship. They are a really cool person – and I didn’t intend on stuffing it up so early on after meeting them.

Though sometimes I can’t stop myself being selfish, my ethics get in the way. I laugh at the thought because if I was ethical at all then I wouldn’t have done it in the first place! I shouldn’t have pushed and it was very wrong of me to.

So I sit here at my computer at work, crying about it.

Crying because I did something very wrong and I know inside no matter how much I ignore it and had continued to do it, I hate myself for it.

Crying because I don’t like hurting people. But it was only fair that they know and that I’m glad they made the correct interpretation.

Crying because I think I’ve most likely lost something that would have meant a great deal to me.

Crying because I know that inside I don’t deserve any forgiveness and though I’d like to ask for it, I know exactly where I’m going.

If they are reading this, I’m truly sorry that I did it.

But I’m glad you know – because maybe now I’ll stop doing it.

Anyway the past couple of days I’ve been mostly AFK (gasp) except for when I’m at work. I’ve been chatting on the phone with a few friends and abusing my Vodafone plan to the limits.

I’ve gone back to work at my old firm as a favour to my old boss for a couple of days on a particularly urgent job. I’m not too happy about it, I kind of only did it because I would feel bad saying no because I’m not doing anything and have the time to do it.

But I was so bored yesterday. I didn’t realise how much I enjoy my new job so much more until I was doing my old one again. I mean claims data aggregation has kind of lost it’s charm for me.

Nicholas and I had dinner last night which was good. We went to Sushi Suma and it’s good. It’s been good for the past 10 years since I started going there on a excursion for Japanese in high school. We spent a while chatting and he drove me home except I gave him faulty directions to get back to the Casa from my place! *cringe* My room was rather messy as per usual but he was impressed with the neatness of my wardrobe, oh and the stunning amount of pink clothing that I own.

Plus, I’m exasperated at him because he put the leftovers in my room without me noticing it. He was supposed to take it home and feed it to Sasha! =(

I so need to clean my room. Hopefully I’ll get to it this winter break. I’m hoping to go through all my cookbooks and mark out recipes that I want to try. As well as organise my embroidery magazines and create some sort of timeline for projects.

And guys, sorry, I will continue to be AFK for a while as my brother has taken over my computer. He disabled his when Windows Genuine Advantage realised his copy was dodge and won’t get it fixed until the weekend. I recall again how much I hated it when we only had one computer.

Well the marinating started early this morning at 8am and I was a bit worried that it wouldn’t flavour the meat enough as I didn’t do it over night, but I was just so tired. But I managed to finish marinating 4 different types of meat and with some help from Christina and Nhung from 10am, made 3 different salads as well! Garden, Potato and I tried a new salad using apples and celery. Christina (the ex-vegeterian) thought it was ‘interesting’. I have yet to determine if that is interesting good or interesting bad.

But the marinades were a success. For once, I didn’t marinade with a whole bottle of soy sauce and oyster sauce. Bob enjoyed it and said that I should continue to not use soy sauce. =D Lucky my Marinade cookbook has more recipes to try! I have yet to try out my Teriyaki effort on the TNTT people.

But I skipped off the barbeque early to get a quick nap before school.

I went into class today and said to my kids “I’m too sick and tired, so I want to expend the absolute least possible effort teaching you today. And if I don’t, trust me, you’ll pay for it later.”

Their behaviour was exemplary today =D. We got through a couple of ciphers and then I let them out to play with Peter for 15 mins outside. I have promised them pizza next week if they fork out $2 each. Spontaneous decision, one I may regret.

But in church I’ve decided to fine them if they act up. 50cents for each time I catch them out. I’ve got one boy on $7 and another for $5 as well as a $5 replacement fee for his scarf. And no, it does not include pizza.

Went to Christina’s place after church to finish off the barbeque. I ate quickly and with huge amounts. Christina’s dad remarked how I always appear ravenous – largely because every time I go over to Christina’s house it’s after school and I’m starving.

Bob said to me today which made me feel very loved “Ai mà cưới em, sẽ có phước lám”.

So I left after eating and visited Nicholas and Catie again. Had fun chatting about random things and I climbed into their bed but was kicked out so they could sleep. I figured out the Lidcombe way home as opposed to driving down the entire length of Centenaray Drive and Hume Highway. Saved myself maybe 10 minutes on the road. =D

A long but lovely day.

This morning I woke up relatively early and did the laundry as well as did the shopping for the TNTT picnic tomorrow. I wrote out a list but went slightly over budget ($10-15) – it’s all good, there’s going to be heaps of food tomorrow! I’m trying some new recipes from my Marinade cookbook, and making a different type of salad.

I initially walked around Bankstown Square to do the shopping and got everything and then Christina picked me up and we drove up to Auburn to get the chicken ribs. It was good to chat with her and we remarked on how time went by so quickly. Her nephew is 2.5 years age and it seems only yesterday her brother got married!

I visited Nicholas and Catie after shopping for the picnic. Rocked up to Roseville, took a wrong turn and had to call them =( I should of printed out my whereis map, but foolishly I thought I could do it on my own. Had a good time with Pete, Nicholas and Catie playing Donkey Konga and trying to play Match-the-Sock where I tried to match Nicholas’ many black socks – except that many of them were orphans.

I then went to Nick Nacks birthday party – which was good to see Nick Nack as I don’t get to see him often. Had a nice time socialising with people. At first I arrived on time and as Nick Nack is usually very good with that (considering his lack of mobile phone) – I just ate dinner and figured if he wasn’t there by the time I ate dinner I would just leave. But he did come and we stayed around to hear some local music. I left at midnight so I could come home, blog about it and prepare the marinades. I did meet a guy there who seemed kind of interesting.

Yesterday however, I had lunch with Doris and it was great to see her and have a chat. She bitched about how povo her firm claims to be and how they don’t treat their staff very well. I feel so lucky in comparison that my company is small and friendly. We are hoping to meet up with Taffy and have lunch together – the three of us! =D

Stephen bailed on going to the pub after work with me due to a prior commitment and we arranged it for the week after next but then Sam’s dad called and asked me to look after Sam so I got to spend more time with the kid! I have so many more uber cute photos on my phone. =D He ate the remnants of my stir fry from last night and he didn’t seem to not like it. Makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

Learnt a cooking tip from yesterday – don’t have too much liquid when you are baking stuff, ends up stewing instead of browning. =(

I think I might just wake up early to marinade the meat – so tired now.

Well hacking away on Focus (my company’s mainframe system) today, I managed to rectify the situation I caused last Wednesday after accidently deleting the program because I exited badly. Lucky for me it was just a template with some specifications for Australian accounts so I could insert the lines in. Refer to this post about it.

I sat here for 2 hours trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with it. Of course being a mainframe program, the compiler that runs the program didn’t spit out an error message – just had a cryptic 2 lines of code appear on the screen and then refuse to send me any output. Because I have to wait for the output to be sent to my work email account, I waste precious more time wondering whether or not it was just the mainframe was taking it’s time sending it to me, or it had completely failed.

However, I managed to fix it!

I had to replace the line
EX DEDALC AUSSIR
with
DYNAM ALLOC FILE AUSSIR DA 'ACTR.DECODE.CUSTLIB(AUSSIR)' SHR REU

*mia does the happy nerd dance*