June, 2007

Fascination

Thursday, June 28th, 2007

So I finally watched this 80′s cult classic movie. I mean, owning 16 Candles, Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, all I was missing was St Elmo’s Fire to round off all the movies mentioned in the Bowling for Soup song ’1985′. I know that there is a certain nostalgia I get from watching movies in that time in the way they edit/shoot/render them. I don’t really know what it is. There’s just this certain quality in the way the movie is filmed. I think movies now are far more glossier than those of the 80s.

I quite enjoyed it. It was certainly less cringe-worthy than a John Hughes’ movie (good thing as it wasn’t written by John Hughes)  and it explored the relationship dynamics in a group of 7 friends. It was quite funny to watch how they struggle with life especially considering they are supposed to be a touch younger than I am now. I could see that myself with the same kind of problems they have.

I just finished reading a book called “Where Rainbows End” by Cecelia Ahern. I loved this book. I don’t enjoy first person books often, but this book was written in terms of a series of letters between people. It was simply gripping. To see them progress from a young age and talking about the different problems relevant to their age at the time.

Of course being a romance novel, I was just wanting the hero and the heroine get together. I like these Chick Lit novels because they don’t do the whole obligatory sex scene on page 78 or so and go through some ridiculous drama to declare they ‘love each other’ after a few days like the most recent generation of M&Bs. It was a tale that spanned decades about realistic situations that seperate people.

To simply put, I cried at the end of it. I was completely miserable after reading it. It felt like I had been put in the wringer.

I don’t really believe the whole there’s one person for you thing. But I do believe that one person can hold an endless fascination with another. If you’re lucky, you do it to the other at the same time.

But sometimes you’re not. And life has to go on.

Cruel Intentions

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

I have a problem.

I find it very difficult sometimes when I read the university email list that I am on. I rarely make posts nowadays being busy, so I just quickly skim read everything and post on occasion.

What I truly dislike though is that at times when I make a post, I get really nasty replies.

Example

mia: And I learnt my brother is in desperate need of a girlfriend on facebook.

s: and you’re in desperate need of a boyfriend… how convenient!

q: and you’re already living together!

d: zing

I find it really malicious, and it hurts my feelings. I don’t think it’s funny to make fun of someone by being mean to them. In the past I used to be okay with it, thinking that it’s how they are. But when it comes down to that kind of level, it’s like I should have no confidence in myself because I let myself be treated that way.

Among the reasons why I don’t post much nowadays.  The whole “oh they don’t REALLY mean it” thing is almost kind of bullshit. Being funny at someone else’s expense is not nice and the above is only funny if you do think that I am a loser whose only real prospect is her brother because no one else would have her.

I know that it’s just a few people who are dominant posters on this mailing list. But I know these people. And in real life on an individual basis they aren’t such horrible jerks towards me. I just don’t understand how a group mentality can make it ‘cool to be cruel’.

It’s like a lose-lose situation. If you complain at them they tell you ‘to get thicker skin’ and keep doing it more because they know it bothers you. But if you just ignore it, then they think it’s okay and that they can keep doing it because it doesn’t seem to bother you.

I don’t think I can call these people friends.

The Offensiveness of Belief and The Book of Malachi

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

This is the first of my posts in relation to my study of the bible.

I think I need to make some statements about my personal beliefs clear before I start.I have in the past couple of years tried atheism, largely because I kept being logicked out by my university friends who are in general, atheists.

On FM103.2, my favourite radio station, there was a ‘Life Moment’. Sadly, it is not available online, so I won’t be able to give you the exact wording of the speaker. He said that in Canberra, for a big Christian leaders conference, they had the flags up in Canberra City with the words ‘Jesus is the Life’. Apparently lots of people were offended by this. He went on to talk about the difference between being offensive and causing offence. As oppose to being offensive – to deliberately incite someone’s ire and rage – we as Christians should never deliberately offend someone by behaving unmanneredly, but at the same time have the courage to believe in something that may cause offence.

I’ve noticed though that with some of my atheist university friends, they can get rather offensive. They talk very scornfully about the folly of being religious and going to church being a waste of time etc. And I am ashamed to admit that I have acted like them in the past. To talk of my own church commitments and the arduous duty with little love. However, this ‘Life Moment’ while I was driving home from TAFE really touched me.

I can not accept being an atheist. Despite seeing the logic in athetical arguments, I have some faith that there is a God. I can only feel it in my heart. I may have rejected it in the past, but the idea has held such fascination that I can not say that I don’t believe in God. Christian music continues to inspire me, that there IS something more out there. It is my mission now, to develop my own ideas about faith and to look at it intelligently.  (As I have said before, nothing frustrates me more than someone who hasn’t thought about their beliefs)

I choose the Christian religion to study largely because I was raised a Christian and that it holds great fascination for me. And thus, the bible is the first place I look. My opinions on Jesus has not yet solidified, so I’ve decided to go through the Old Testament (also known as the Torah when its written in Hebrew) first.

I don’t think that God is all-knowing. If God is all-knowing, there would be no point creating human beings the way they have been created. There still exists an element of chance, there must exist an option that people are able to redeem themselves. I do think however, that God could be omni-prescient. That God is able to see to the true meaning behind our actions. I support this idea because if he *knew*, then humanity would run in the predefined path. If God is to give us choice, then there would be no reason to create the Tree of Knowledge, because God has effectively sealed humanity’s doom.

I start with the book of Malachi simply because it was what came up when I opened the bible up at random. I did not know what I wanted to read, and Malachi seemed like a short book where the main theme is the necessity of the then priests and people in Israel 5th century BC to renew their faithfulness to their covenants with God.

The book of Malachi is actually quite vitriolic in its wording – God is clearly angry with the Israelites.

I own a Good News Bible, Today’s English Version, Australian edition (handed down from my sister when she got it in primary school 20 years ago) for anyone who likes to know. I may consider buying a NIV at a later date.

Malachi 1:6 – The Lord Almighty says to the priests, “A son honours his father and a servant honours his master. I am your father – why don’t you honour me? I am your master – why don’t you respect me? You despise me, and yet you ask, ‘How have we despised you?’”

I recognise it is very easy to not look at the wonderful things that have been given us. Though in the book, God is scornful of the poor sacrifices that the Israelites are offering at the time (which were still popular back then), I think about the poor offerings that we make. How we don’t have that quality time with God anymore. I see it in my kids who mouth prayers with no true meaning because they must say them at church. If I go to church in order to worship God, then I must do it wholeheartedly and not be distracted. Because if I sit and chat with others, my mind is not clearly on God, a defective use of my time with God, a defective sacrifice. To treat religion like obligation I think would truly be offensive to God.

Malachi 2:7 – It is the duty of priests to teach the true knowledge of God. People should go to them to learn my will, because they are messengers of the Lord Almighty.

This is something that I struggle with. I don’t think anyone can truly know God. We feel Gods presence touching our lives and we want to know of him. Our personal relationship with God is how we come to know him. Our studies of the Scriptures (whichever Scriptures you may adhere to) are an interpretation of him. Interpretation is limited according to your experiences. People with different interpretations often come to blows – look at the Separation of the Protestant and Catholics. But I do agree that it is a religious person’s duty to go and learn, to get a whole bunch of interpretations and think about God.

Of course I am forgetting that in this time period, that most people were illiterate and unable to read. Priests, being scholars were able to read the Scriptures which is how they ‘know’ about God.

Malachi 2:16 – “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel ting to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.”

This suggests that you ‘divorce yourself from your spouse’ the moment you are unfaithful. We are not talking about divorce in the legal sense. However, adultery occurs when you even think about another person in a way that should be reserved for your spouse and everyone commits adultery.

As I have blogged in the past, the boundaries in relationships have often blurred for me and that completely platonic relationships don’t exist.  So I think the real question I’m driving towards is ‘What is unfaithfulness?’ I’m starting to think that being unfaithful constitutes a complete lack of honesty with your partner and doing inappropriate things that you know that they won’t like. Effectively betraying their faith in you. Even if they say it’s fine, because you should have total concern for their feelings and know when it’s not okay for them.

Malachi 3:10 Bring the full amount of your tithes to the Temple, so that there will be plenty of food there. Put me to the test and you will see that I will open the windows of heaven and pour out on you in abundance all kinds of good things.

Tithing. In this capitalist, materialistic society people are obsessed with ‘keeping with the Joneses’. So they are only willing to spend money on themselves. (I plead guilty to this one too) It’s very sad to see my church that supports a school with it’s dwindling numbers doesn’t have very much money. Partially that’s also because in this litigation-happy society, insurance premiums have sky-rocketed, non-discrimination causes must be followed etc. I remember a few years ago, Father Martin made a plea in church for tithes because basically the church offers you a free service that you use, please help maintain it. I hope it never gets to the point it becomes user pays.

On the flip side, churches with large congregations and receiving massive tithes, there could exist unscrupulous people thinking large amounts of money is their due. To be fair, these large churches often use that money to support charities and fund further ministry, but sometimes you wonder with a small amount of suspicion of the heads of these churches.

Oh money – how much simpler it was when people paid their tithes in wheat and animals and we existed on the barter system.

Malachi 3:14-15 – You have said, “It’s useless to serve God. What’s the use of doing what he says or of trying to show the Lord Almighty that we are sorry for what we have done? As we see it, proud people are the ones who are happy. Evil men not only prosper, but they test God’s patience with their evil deeds and get away with it.”

Because the rewards of doing bad things are more immediate, and because you feel like you’re getting away with it, you may just keep doing it and then one day you look back and realise what a horrible person you are. I know I’ve felt that recently.

Thus concludes my study of the Book of Malachi.

I’d like to thank Jen, Sean and Tim Heng for talking and debating religion with me and helping me formulate my ideas about faith, religion and all that jazz.

Listening to music on a rainy day

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

I’m in love with Jesse McCartney.

That is all.

Hussy!

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

Yes indeed, I am a shameless hussy.

But not only that, Hussy (the clothing brand) accepted me for work placement this winter vacation. I’m so excited! It’ll be my first taste in working in fashion. This is absolutely brilliant!

No skiing for me though, I can’t really afford to go to the Lien Doan ski trip because I’ll have to not work to do this work placement. =( The experience will be worth it though.

In other shameless news, I have joined Last.fm (my login is cngu218). And I spend way too much time on Facebook.

/me dances for joy