I have finally received a diagnosis from my psychiatrist that seems sensible and explains a lot of things:
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Reading up on it, I find that I identify with many of the criterion.
However the treatment for it is a lot of therapy – he’s recommending me a program called “Dialectical Behaviour Therapy” - and no drugs.
Looking forward to a drug free existence, lately I have seemed to accumulate an overwhelming sense of fear, panic and anxiety. Ironically, (though it only consolidates the diagnosis), I feel like a complete failure due to my inability to get a grip. So I wonder what these drugs are actually doing?
Clearly it hasn’t made me any happier. My sleeping patterns are royally screwed up. Though it has tempered me somewhat, in some ways I feel very much the same as before now it has all settled down – just that my body and mind is more frail – so it has intensified my nerves. And with the really strong adverse reactions I get with these drugs, I have no idea about anything anymore. Once the sedative effect of the drugs are weaned off, will I be more or less neurotic?
I’m trying to be grown up. I want to get better. Though I have gotten a lot better at making smart decisions I am terrified.
But there is hope. Maybe.
Delighted to see some new posts. Many of us on Midnight have been worried about you. We all hope to see you again some time soon
Hugs and Kisses
Spelunk