I guess I could write a new years resolution post but I won’t.
The last year was certainly a tumultuous ride. I can’t say with any truth that I enjoyed much of it.
I had crappy December with the magistrate at court being a complete jerk to me, an anxiety attack over Christmas (with the inability to enjoy Christmas at all) and completely screwed up sleep patterns.
I know I’m supposed to subscribe to the power of positive thinking.
Positives of December:
I spent some quality time with Annie (and her other half).
I got a bonus from work.
I made new friends on Puzzle Pirates.
I got an eyepatch for my pirate in Puzzle Pirates.
I met a pyschiatrist who is mostly positive about going through DBT next year.
I got a new pillow during the after Chrissy sales and it’s fantastic to sleep on.
I finally finished watching all 167 episodes of Inuyasha.
Blinky is still as cute and cranky as ever.
And January so far has been great. Kath and I had a hugely successful Thanksducken. I’ve been on an interstate trip for work where I even saw an old friend.
However I find that being positive is so tiring. I’m starting to lose grip and I can’t summon the heart to be productive. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing with myself. As much as I’d like this year to be a whole fresh new start, I can’t say that it will. I still have so much hard work ahead of me with treatment and therapy. This court case will go on for a little while because my lawyer and I are appealing the sentence severity. My parents go spastic if I drive. I’m still working in the same job and though it’s broadened a bit I can’t say it’s challenging or even interesting. I have school to look forward to but I can’t even summon enough energy to be excited about it.
I’m supposed to be 26 but I have the mental age of someone who is 16. Which is probably why I’m indulging in this pity party. I find it difficult to talk to most people. I can feel that I’m slowly becoming more withdrawn and increasingly better at the lies of omission.
A new year with the same shit.