I am sitting here at my computer, free of drugs. I have finally ceased all my medications. No antidepressants. No analgesics.
And I feel really good.
My mental awareness is sharper. I have more energy. I even see a future! And surprisingly – I can see myself.
After a long, LONG convalescence I’m now back on track. My psychiatrist said that I gave antidepressants a fair crack and it’s now safe to say they aren’t really for me. I feel so much lighter without them that I feel like I’ve been born again. I’ve felt like that the past two years was a lifetime of suffering. Being a prisoner of my own brain chemicals that I kept spiraling to the conclusion that I didn’t want to live anymore. I shut myself off. I just wanted to be safe.
In some ways I’m relieved that essentially I’m still the same person I was before. I am much better at managing myself – but the dreams I had are still there. My MIND is still there. The acuity of senses, the leaps in logic – it’s still me. I started remembering all the things I wanted to do as a teenager before I turned 30, and now I’m going to go out and do it. Because I want to BE more, DO more.
I can be anything I want.